5 Things to Consider Before Buying Your Child a Phone

So, you're considering getting your child their first phone, but you have some questions. Is my child ready for a phone? How do I keep my child safe online? What's the best phone for kids? Why does my child want a phone, anyway? It can feel overwhelming to weigh the pros and cons of getting your kid their first phone when they are so expensive, not to mention the seemingly endless dangers online.

When is the right age to let your child have a smartphone? According to one study that asked tweens, teens, and young adults when they thought the best age to get a first phone is, it turns out those most agreed on the age of 12. However, just because your child believes it's the right time for a phone doesn't mean it is. In fact, one study suggests that later might be better, especially because cell phone usage can impact academic achievement.

We talked to the experts to get the best advice on navigating the tricky task of getting a child their first phone—from determining if they are mature enough to keeping them safe on social media and everything in between. Keep reading to learn about five critical considerations before getting your child their first phone.

Establish Want Versus Need

Perhaps your kid wants a new iPhone, but you may have different plans…like giving them one of your own older models. Without realizing it, you can give your kid a solid lesson in personal finance.

"Every money conversation and every purchase of any significant size in the household is an opportunity to teach kids about the difference between wants and needs," says Ron Lieber, author of The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money and the "Your Money" columnist for The New York Times.

Once a need is established, the next issue is more complex. "It's really the most cosmic question of human existence but applies well to the world of money," Lieber says, "How much is enough? Once you've established need, how much of it do you need?"

That question encompasses everything from the type of phone to its features, megapixels, and data plan. If you want to be "super hardcore," Lieber says, you can start with an embarrassingly uncool flip phone. Make it clear that your child technically doesn't need anything more than that, and offer to upgrade the relic after, say, three months if they've passed the responsibility test (i.e., they don't lose or break it). From there, you can cover the more expensive smartphone and the basic data plan if you choose.

If your kid is angling for the upgraded model, case, or plan, characterize that request as a "want" that must be paid for (at least in part) with allowance, holiday, or birthday money. "Learning to make trade-offs is part of what it means to be a grownup," Lieber says, "and making grownups out of kids is the business we're in."

Learn Their 'Why'

Find out why your child wants a smartphone. "This opens up a conversation so they can tell you if having a phone is a status thing," says Sierra Filucci, executive editor of parenting content and distribution at Common Sense Media, a nonprofit that specializes in evaluating the age-appropriateness of games, movies, books, and more.

"Do they want one because of a certain app their friends are using? If so, look into that app and see what you think—you don't want to get them a phone, then tell them they can't use it for one reason they wanted it." And when your kid is begging for a phone and telling you every other kid in their class has one? "Don't believe them," says Filucci. "Unless they're 16, they're likely just saying that as a technique."

That's not to say you should discount the role phones play in tween social life. "It can be very important for keeping in touch outside of school," says Filucci. "Phones are such ubiquitous tools, kids without them can feel cut off, socially, from their peers."

Assess Their Maturity

While there's no magic age that signals readiness for a smartphone, Filucci recommends looking for certain characteristics of maturity. Here are a few excellent questions to think about:

• Does your child have a sense of responsibility?
• Do they show up when they say they will?
• Do they tend to lose things, or are they good at keeping track of their belongings?

"Some kids are notorious for leaving their backpacks at home or school—that's a good sign they might not be able to keep an expensive cell phone," she says.

If your child tends to leave things at school, but you feel they would benefit from having a phone, they may need greater assistance keeping track of their device initially. You could utilize features like a track my phone app, Apple air tags, visual reminders on their backpack or desk, and other useful tools until they develop the executive functioning or skills to do so more independently.

Raise a Digital Citizen

Once you've decided that your kid is ready for their first phone, don't just hand it over and let them loose. As Uncle Ben in Spider-Man wisely said (admittedly in a different context), "With great power comes great responsibility."

"Talk about their digital footprint, which starts with iPads and computers but grows even more with smartphones," says Mariah Bruehl, author of Real-Life Rules: A Young Person's Guide to Self-Discovery, Big Ideas, and Healthy Habits. "You can do a search on yourself and show what comes up: the people you follow, comments you've made on posts or articles. Make sure your child understands that everything you do online—comments, likes, posts—stays with you for years to come."

Consider drafting a contract to be signed by you and your child that highlights that the phone is a privilege—not a right—and that it can be taken away at any time for any reason.

Elements of that contract can include:

• When the phone can be used: Set specific boundaries around when the phone can and cannot be used. For example, the phone may be used during certain hours before bedtime but not at the dinner table or while doing homework.
• How the phone can be used: Set expectations for how the phone can be used. For example, within the limits of the data plan, asking permission to download new apps, and generally being responsible for preventing loss or damage to the phone.
• Financial expectations: Use the phone as an opportunity to teach personal finance by requiring your child to help pay for the data plan and cover the expense of a lost or broken device.

The contract can also cover digital etiquette: I will treat others the way I wish to be treated, and I will not bully, embarrass, or send inappropriate pictures or messages. While it's impossible to cover every scenario, contracts should be used as a jumping-off point for ongoing conversations about unintended consequences, such as the possibility that anything you write in a text can be copied and pasted in a very public way.

Callahan Walsh, a child advocate with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, which operates an online web safety resource called NetSmartz, suggests kids use this guidepost: "Don't send a text unless you're OK with sharing it with your grandmother."

Help Keep Them Safe

Parenting in the smartphone age can be terrifying, but there are plenty of resources to help. The first step is closing the information gap. Whatever you know, your kid probably knows more.

Check out NetSmartz and Common Sense Media for a wide range of resources, including:

• Tips on tightening up privacy (teaching your kid to, say, turn off location-tracking services so they aren't unintentionally publicizing their location)
• Warning signs that an online predator is connecting with your child
• Understanding cyberbullying, sextortion, online enticement, and more

While NetSmartz and Common Sense Media are excellent resources, parents still need to be involved when it comes to day-to-day safety.

Words like cyberbullying and sextortion are enough to make any reasonable parent consider tracking their child's every digital move. Many popular service providers offer features that allow you to check in on your child's texting activity, monitor apps, limit phone usage to certain times of day, and block unwanted calls and texts. There are also third-party options like Ourpact, which lets you manage your kid's phone remotely, allowing you to turn off all apps or set a schedule for approved usage.

But constant monitoring isn't necessarily the answer. "You can go blue in the face trying to keep up and chasing this digital breadcrumb trail," says Walsh. And for all the monitoring tools, there are just as many that help kids conceal information.

Keeping the lines of communication open is a better route. Encourage your child to come directly to you if they see something questionable or controversial, and assure them you'll remain calm if they come to you for advice.

"You need to be approachable even if you don't like what your kids are saying," says Bruehl. "They should feel comfortable coming to you if something concerns them or hurts their feelings. Have an open dialogue about what they're seeing, looking up, and commenting on."

Walsh says the most important step is empowering your kid to make safe, smart decisions. Spend time with your child watching and reading tutorials at Common Sense Media and NetSmartz, and model good online behavior.

Ultimately, helping your kids avoid the pitfalls of smartphone usage requires the same set of tools you've always relied on as a parent. "When they get their first phone, tell them there is no privacy," says Bruehl. "It's a parent's job to make sure their kids are safe. That means having access to all apps and passwords, and being able to look at the child's phone at any time."