What Pain Rules Are You Following?
/By Ann Marie Gaudon, PNN Columnist
As part of his pioneering work on behavioural analysis, psychologist B.F. Skinner coined the term “rule-governed behaviour” in 1966.
We all live by rule-governed behaviours, they’re part of our learned history. For example, a young child can be told “never touch a hot stove” and they will not. Most people don’t need to suffer the consequence of being burned by a hot stove because we are able to learn the lesson from our language abilities.
Other rules may include judgments about ourselves, our environment and about others, which can lead to behaviours that make our lives more -- or less -- enjoyable.
When living with chronic pain, our minds give us no shortage of rules. Creating rules about pain is one way that our minds process and react to it. Why? It’s because our minds are always trying to protect us, to keep us safe, alive and as pain-free as possible..
However, the mind doesn’t discriminate and can be maladaptive. Some rules will be very helpful (“I must avoid certain foods due to colitis”) and some will be completely arbitrary and unhelpful (“I must avoid all types of exercise because of a torn rotator cuff”).
The problem with buying into some rules, or treating them as if they were the literal truth, is that we find ourselves going over the same self-defeating tracks over and over again. One simple sentence can take on colossal dimensions.
“Beth” will be our pain patient of the day. She has a torn rotator cuff and has taken on the sole identity of “chronic pain patient” to the exclusion of all other roles in her life. It’s become a real problem. Take a look at the rules Beth has developed for herself due to chronic pain:
“I can’t work if I’m in pain.”
“Feeling pain is unacceptable. I can’t live a good life with that feeling.”
“It simply isn’t fair that I should suffer with this.”
“Exercising will make the pain worse.”
As a result of Beth buying into these rules, what do you think her life has become? If you think that Beth has locked herself up tightly in a “pain chain,” then you are correct. Her suffering has gotten worse from this type of “dirty pain.”
You may have noticed that some of Beth’s rules are patently absurd. There is no fault to be found here. Our minds are rule makers and problem-solving machines – even when the problem is thus far unsolvable (chronic pain). Beth is not yet aware of how her mind’s reactions to her pain are choking off her life, and not yet aware that there are strategies to help her free herself.
As a professional therapist, I would not be telling Beth her rules are true or false, and I would encourage her to do the same. That self-argument would be unproductive: “I am unlovable”…”Yes I am lovable”… “No I am not”… and so on.
A debate like that is not helpful. Instead, I would be asking Beth questions in an attempt to put some metaphorical space between her and her maladaptive rules. You can ask yourself these same questions about your own limiting rules.
Can you identify your overall pain rule and can you name it? Nothing can be done about these restrictions until you become aware of them and can identify them yourself.
Do you notice what happens when you follow this rule? It is highly likely that when you follow the rule your anxiety and distress will go down in the short-term. However, in the long-term, your behaviour will become more and more rigid. You will have much less choice in your life and move far away from a life that you value. Relationships with yourself and others will pay a high price. Your suffering will increase exponentially.
Can you look at this rule in terms of workability? If you continue to follow this rule, is this a workable solution to your suffering? Will this be helpful to you to live a richer, more meaningful life? Are the long-term costs worth the short-term payoff?
Are you prepared to make a choice? You cannot stop the rule from popping into your mind, but you do have a say in how you respond. Will you follow this rule or choose to do something different? Will you bend or change the rule? Will you be flexible?
Do you notice what happens with your choice? If you choose to follow the rule, where does that take you? If you choose something different, where does that lead to?
This type of self-exploration would be a first step in addressing Beth’s restrictive rules and the consequences of blindly following them. Learning to choose new rules to influence her behaviour is akin to laying down new tracks over the old detrimental ones.
Beth will do well to acquire all of the tools she can to help her to live a better life, alongside the challenges she faces from chronic pain. Psychotherapy is one of those tools.
Ann Marie Gaudon is a registered social worker and psychotherapist in the Waterloo region of Ontario, Canada with a specialty in chronic pain management. She has been a chronic pain patient for over 30 years and works part-time as her health allows. For more information about Ann Marie's counseling services, visit her website.
